…But first! A little insight on this new law. “Cash for clunkers” was enacted by the federal government for a number of reasons – the economy, first and foremost. Money is short in today’s recession, there’s not many places to come by any extra. Alot of people have rusted old buckets of cars sitting in a variety of places – garages, backyards, frontyards, just sitting there and being a stain on the lawn. Others have outdated gas guzzlers, or cars that just simply aren’t driven anymore. The feds have decided to give the American people an incentive to get rid of these royal pieces of Shitake and get themselves into something more economical… something that conforms to today’s strict emission standards. In fact, that rusted old Corvair sitting in the far corner of your backyard can fetch ya up to $4500! Did you know that? You were probably under the impression that that Corvair would NEVER, EVER even in it’s hayday, fetch $4500. ….That day has come my friend. That day has come.

Hell, if your vehicle gets less than 15MPG, like the Range Rover pictured here, you too can indulge in the “Cash forclunkers” craze! What’s stunning is what’s showing up in the “clunker” yards – Some of these cars have some very nice appeal to them! …Or at least they did.

I spoke with the truck/van Operational Manager for Royal Chevrolet on BroadStreet (where these pictures were taken), who simply goes by “Bob.” Bob informed me that this is a great break for those who want to get into something more economical and don’t wanna break the bank. However, Bob also informed me that since this is a Federal matter, the government wants loads and LOADS of information on these “clunkers.” Bob informed me that you must provide proof that the vehicle has been titled and registered for the last 12 months. From that the dealerships take the information and send off no less that 12 PDFs to the EPA and related government functions. It’s pretty crazy once you stop to think about it – some of the dealerships have actually refused to participate in this, according to Bob. The paperwork is just too much! Not to mention when you figure that someone is walking in with basically a worthless artifact and getting almost 7 times back what they would have originally gotten, it starts to weigh and wear on the dealership!

Not to worry though, Bob reassured me as he was locking up the dealership. Even though the paperwork is daunting for the dealership, Royal Chevrolet still welcomes any and all trade-ins to be drafted up under this new program. Come on, let’s face it – business is business! So if you got something sitting in your driveway that is worth more problems than solutions, and you want some quick cash for it (provided you can supply all the necessary documentation), give this new act a thought. (Dear god, I feel like a queer salesman HAHAHA)

Some people comprising the demographic have left their worlds of customization, and unique touches, to embrace the notion of preserving the environment. Well little do they know….

Besides putting on a bitching set of rims, tinting the windows, perhaps an aftermarket sound system, there’s actually some body kits out there for the late model prius! One in fact (pictured) not only makes the car stand out above any other Prius, but its creator, Sigma Automotive, actually claims to IMPROVE the gas mileage! Unlike most other bodykits on other cars, that detract from the natural line of the car and increase the drag coefficient, this one not only synchronizes with the old coefficient, but it redirects the air going under and over the car to help it go just a little further, for a little less.

Sigma Automotive is not the only provider of such bodykits. TRD and Coastal E Tech (also pictured) feature more bodykits, as well as interior lighting, wide body kits for that “racer look” (whoever heard of such a thing for a Prius), and even Lambo door kits! Who knew?

So! If you’re a gay guy… and you happen to be into cars…. who likes to turn a wrench or two…. whose boyfriend convinced you to buy a matching Prius… and you’re looking for something to set that little whizbanger off  - CONGRATULATIONS!! There IS something out there for you! HAPPY HUNTING!!!

“Grasshopper”

Call me crazy, but the barring of cyclists on the sidewalks and making them share the road with automobiles in the city of Richmond just seems like bad legislation. It’s clearly the worst decision on the cyclists’ end, because that puts them at risk of being horribly injured if not killed. There are a couple bike lanes throughout Richmond, which is ok to some extent. What happens when those designated lanes expire? It’s back to the streets. It would almost seem that the city thinks of cyclists as vehicles, when in all actuality they’re just upwardly mobile pedestrians. What happens when a cyclist hits a normal pedestrian? Nothing nearly as bad as what happens when an automobile hits a cyclist. Imagine getting mowed down by a Suburban at 45, 35, hell even 25 miles an hour. It’s gonna hurt a lot worse than when a cyclist hits a pedestrian. ….I’m just sayin.

“Grasshopper”

“Grasshopper”

This year at DC was where I spotted the coolest car I’ve seen at all my pride events I’ve ever been to (keep in mind i’ve only been to 2). There I was, with my roommates, when I spotted quite possibly the coolest F150 Stepside I’ve ever seen ANYWHERE, not just at a pride event!

Leave it to the roller derby girls to rock something as bad ass as this. This truck was customized top to bottom, inside and out! Billet grille, aftermarket lower front fascia, projector headlamps, custom “Cobra” hood, custom paintjob, custom fiberglass door inlays, tonneau cover, 20 inch chrome rims, relocation of the hinges on the tailgate, and my personal favorite(s), Diablo doors (god how I miss mine) and a bangin sound system! You have no idea how much I wanted to steal this truck and drive it home! …Or how much my roommates were ridiculing me. But I didn’t care – I found my happiness for the day, and who knew it came out of Dearborn, MI?

I wish i had more pictures to show, but if you have any from pride, or any other nice rides you’ve seen in years past, gimme a shout and I’ll see if I can’t show em some love.

“Grasshopper”

Anyways, I like to read the car magazines, like any other car guy. However, there’s some things I just can’t get past.

Like this -

Now, let’s examine this picture. We have here a beautiful Subaru Impreza WRX. The list of mods is endless; Carbon fiber hood, Kaminari bodykit, JDM headlights/grille, an upgraded Blitz intercooler to go with the TurboXS upgraded turbo, I’m sure, and Toyo tires to keep it all nice and planted on the corner. That’s just from looking at it; who knows what else it’s rockin. Now there is the beautiful model sitting in front of the car, to show off beauty, style, substance and speed. …. But what about us gay guys who enjoy this type of a car, with these types of mods, but just… not her??? No disrespect to her or anything, but she’s not the accessory some of us hope to drive around the foothills of Los Angeles with. Some of us.. are different.

Let’s say you are looking at a stunning piece of Japanese machinery, like this Cherry Red Toyota Celica GT-S pictured directly above. I mean look at the thing! Widebody kit, Japan-GT style wing, carbon-fiber hood with vinyl inlays, and a long ass list of other things to accentuate what I already said. BUT! Instead of seeing some scantily clad female squatting next to it, licking her lips in some sort of “Come get me big boy” kind of way, you see a male figure, one who’s strong, sensitive, cute and charismatic. You see a male who, much like the female model pictured above, draws you in with the same sexiness of what’s pictured above, just drawing in the other part of the group of us car guys who are DYING to have some representation! Perhaps a guy like this -

Imagine him propping himself up on the turned-out tire of the Celica. The image he is portraying is not one of modeling, but rather one of Pride, in more ways than one! Perhaps he is the sexy man that built this car from the ground up! Perhaps he is the model that is showing to you that much like human flesh, vehicle lines and bolt ons can be sexy too! Either way, he is showing a different side to the auto world – an ALTERNATIVE side, if you will.

Let’s take it beyond the gay aspect! How many female gearheads do you know out there? whether you know any or not, they are out there, and they are just as fearless and strong-willed as the male gearheads. And i’m SURE that there are a few out there that are not lesbians. Now, how many of those do you see oogling the girl in front of the Impreza, huh? Don’t you think they want some representation too? Damn straight they do! So, why not give them what they want?

Let’s bring it all together – straight males are not the only humans who enjoy working on cars. Along with some gay males, some straight females enjoy it too! We all enjoy looking at the cars in the spotlight. Why don’t we get some male models in there for my sisters and me?

“Grasshopper”

*Thanks to this model and Import Tuner Magazine for letting me gank their swag.*

What happens when it’s taken behind the wheel?

A recent test was administered to 2 grown males on a test track, the name which escapes me right now. The test vehicle, a new Honda Pilot,  is a fairly large Sport Utility Vehicle. The test subjects were each given a task: Run the course once completely sober, once over the legal alcohol limit (.08), and once responding to text messages. This test graded their ability to apply the brakes in response to a little red LED light placed within the vehicle that would come on in certain intervals.

The first run went off without a hitch – both subjects exhibited excellent response to the LED light, and stopped within a reasonable distance.

The test subjects were given screwdrivers (OJ and Vodka) to elevate them above the legal BAC, then asked to run the same course. Their reaction times were significantly different from that of the first run; their braking times were later, and they were exhibiting a slight difficulty of staying on the track.

After the subjects had sobered up, they were given a normal QWERTY cell phone and asked to run the same course, yet again. Both subjects could barely focus on the course, throwing off their reaction times, their attention spans, and ultimately their judgment.

The interesting thing about this test is that it showed Texting while driving was actually MORE unsafe than drinking while driving. Drinking and driving brought the subjects’ attention span down an average of 45%. Texting while driving, however, brought down their spans a staggering 85%.

Not really much to say after that. I’ll let you think about that one.

“Grasshopper”